![]() I did what I could to prepare but I was just along for the ride. But the big lesson I learned with her brothers’ births 22 months later, and all of the truly unbelievable and nonsensical events that lead up to it, is that I never had any control. I was already the poster-woman for high functioning anxiety, untreated post-partum anxiety and a traumatic birth and recovery experience, so I interalized my baby’s “resistance” as all my fault. ![]() ![]() Well that may be true for some babies but my first baby did not give one actual shit about anything in those books and despite me following every single word to the letter it was absolute chaos. ![]() Sleep “programs” had me believing as long as I did what they prescribed, things were going to go one way. I had so little say in those things that my perception of what I believed I had control over in my life up until that point was completely turned upside down. From the day I decided I was ready to have a baby to many painful years later when I was actually holding her in my arms, absolutely nothing went as planned. Not with them and not with life in general, really. ![]() Reading every pregnancy and parenting book had me believing that I had lot of control when it came to how my children would eat, sleep and behave. I couldn’t help myself….my three teachers, circa 2015 ![]()
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May 2023
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